Old Guilt Trips

When Tisa and I lived in New Jersey, someone gave her 3 little green turtles. They were about an inch and a half in diameter and lived in a “turtle farm.” The turtle farm was a molded plastic dish with low areas to hold water and higher parts that stayed dry for the turtles to climb up on and bask in the air. These turtles were slow and unexciting, but 3-year-old Tisa liked them.

You can no longer buy these turtles for your children as someone discovered they carried salmonella. I never knew of or heard of anyone getting sick or dying because they got salmonella from a turtle, but someone must have as the turtles disappeared from the market and the lives of little children.

When we had the opportunity to move back to Fresno, I had two days to pack all of our things and be ready to go. I managed to do this, but I couldn’t find anyone to take the turtles. We lived on the 9th floor of a 14-story apartment building and I considered just leaving the turtles in the lobby, but there was always a doorman there and he knew me! To give the turtles their freedom meant driving in my car to a park and letting them loose near a creek and I didn’t have time to do that.

In desperation, I threw the turtles and their farm down the trash chute. Not so bad you might think unless you knew there was an incinerator at the bottom! I murdered the turtles!!! And I lied to my child and told her I gave them to the neighbor. And the very worse thing is I STILL FEEL GUILTY after 38 years!!!! I have killed bugs. I have killed mice. But killing those turtles is still a black mark on my soul. I should send this in to Post Secret. I shall live with this angst forever…. I've probably done things worse than this in my life, but killing these stupid little turtles will always haunt me.